I Hate Being Alive Right Now!
I'm 2 months pregnant and I can't keep down any liquids or solids, so I have to go to the ER every 2 days so that they can fill me with IV fluids so that I don't dehydrate and die. I have bruises all over my arm from where they poke me with those damn needles.
I have absolutely no energy because my body is weak from not having food. I should be gaining weight but I've lost 11lbs in the past 2 months, which is very unhealthy for me and the unborn child in my womb.
Everything I say and do right now is being misunderstood. Everyone thinks that I'm being a bitch because I haven't talked to anyone other than hospital staff, Alexa, and Mike. It's really hard for me to sit around and chat when I need to get up every 10-20 mins and puke up bile because there isn't anything else in my stomach to throw up. I miss my life before this hell and I'm seriously starting to wonder whether or not putting myself through all of this for another a child is really worth it. I already have one beautiful baby and maybe I should just end all this misery. Mike and I are young and we'll have plenty of time to have other children. I don't know that I would be okay with something like that. I mean I'm not entirely against abortions, I think people should have the right to choose, I just don't think that morally I would be okay with choosing that for myself.
I feel really gross so that is all that I'm going to write for now.......